Story of Zahra

[محمد نعمان الحكيمي]

DREAM AND DEMON

By / Afeef Al-Hazzami. Taiz,Yemen

Translated by/ Mohammad Noaman Al-Hakimi

Zahra Was a beautiful and a highbrow lady ; who had just married to Dr Nabil . She was brought to live with him in the village . Zahra was besides herself with joy. She had just finished her college years , and looked forward to a rewarding career; side by side with her husband who’ worked for hospital there . Thus she had envisaged for herself and had actively aspired for all her past life .
Nabil began to work in the city after he finished his obligatory service in the village, leaving his wife behind . He was in the habit of returning back to his village at weekends . Once Zahra asked him to rent a house for them both in the city, so that she might have the opportunity to change her place & work in the city ,but Nabil ignored her proposal which made her more insistent on her demand. The fall- out was that Nabil was unable to evade the issue and revealed his mind to her . He told her that he did not approve of the idea of going to work . He would rather prefer that she stays at home as a housewife.

Zahra felt as she had missed a heart-beat due to this inglorious decision and felt extremely upset. She felt as her wings were being clipped. This was followed by poignant argument that heated up little by little & ended with Nabil belittling his wife & Zahra’s crying and walking out of the room . She couldn’t sleep all the night long . She began to think with regret of the past life, she remembered the day of her betrothal to Nabil whom she didn’t know well. She had learnt that he was a doctor, who had just come from abroad where he was studying medicine and that was all she knew . she accepted him with no much consideration , believing that she would never face problem frustrating their domestic life , like this one .Memory of ex-another college revived in her mind. That young man fell in love with her & did his best to get close to her .
However she treated him with discretion as any other colleague in the college irrespective of the fact that she fell that something strong hauling her to his side.
Nabil was prevailed upon to take her to her father's house. She told her father the story .Then her father tried to work on Nabil to be reasonable & human an his judgment , however her husband perished in his stand.
After some time Zahra was sent to her husband's house at her fathers behest . This came to an end to the cherished dream of Zahra and the future she had all along nursed , was shuttered into pieces , with it lay dead all what she had thought of pertaining to woman and her other significant role in society and life as a whole .
Zahra returned back home with her husband. In the course of time, the got a baby child and named her Nada .
But the treatment she received at the house of her husband worsened day by day .He used to spend long time away from house. Her health deteriorated and she suffered attacks of depression and convulsion on and off .
One day her father came to see her .He felt very disturbed to find his daughter changed a lot . she narrated the plight to him and she was therefore brought to her father's place of residence.
Her father went to the hospital to find out Nabil and he was told that Nabil was celebrating his honey moon outdoors. The father was extremely put off by this piece of information, particularly when he learnt that Nabil had got married a second time to the hospital manager's daughter. Then he took his address and went there .When he arrived he knocked the door violently and
Nabil came out very furious . What followed crossed all the fundamental of decency culminating in a very depressive outcome for the former wife who lay desolate and rejected begging for an explanation .Her father collected so many people and revealed to them such betrayer and treacherous man who was dead to all senses of pity and loyalty .

[محمد نعمان الحكيمي]

عندما تموت كل المشاعر الإنسانية لدى مثل هؤلاء


قصة حقيقية

من اليمن

تحياتي

[محمد نعمان الحكيمي]

عدت الآن و قد فات وقت تعديل النص لتعديل بعض الأخطاء الطباعية



DREAM AND DEMON

By / Afeef Al-Hazzami. Taiz,Yemen




Translated by/ Mohammad Noaman Al-Hakimi




Zahra was a beautiful and a highbrow lady who had just married to Dr Nabil . She was brought to live with him in the village . Zahra was besides herself with joy. She had just finished her college years , and looked forward to a rewarding career; side by side with her husband who worked for hospital
there . Thus she had envisaged for herself and had actively aspired for all her past life

Nabil began to work in the city after he finished his obligatory service in the village, leaving his wife behind . He was in the habit of returning back to his village at weekends . Once Zahra asked him to rent a house for them both in the city, so that she might have the opportunity to change her place & work in the city ,but Nabil ignored her proposal which made her more insistent on her demand. The fall- out was that Nabil was unable to evade the issue and revealed his mind to her . He told her that he did not approve of the idea of going to work . He would rather prefer that she stays at home as a housewife

Zahra felt as she had missed a heart-beat due to this inglorious decision and felt extremely upset. She felt as her wings were being clipped. This was followed by a poignant argument that heated up little by little & ended with Nabil belittling his wife and Zahra’s crying and walking out of the room . She couldn’t sleep all the night long . She began to think with regret of the past life, she remembered the day of her betrothal to Nabil whom she didn’t know well. She had learnt that he was a doctor, who had just come from abroad where he was studying medicine and that was all she knew . she accepted him with no much consideration , believing that she would never face problem frustrating their domestic life like this one .Memory of ex-another colleague revived in her mind. That young man fell in love with her & did his best to get close to her
However she treated him with discretion as any other colleague in the college irrespective of the fact that she fell that something strong hauling her to his side.
Nabil was prevailed upon to take her to her father's house. She told her father the story .Then her father tried to work on Nabil to be reasonable & human in his judgment , however her husband perished in his stand
After some time Zahra was sent to her husband's house at her fathers's behest . This came to an end to the cherished dream of Zahra and the future she had all along nursed was shuttered into pieces , with it lay dead all what she had thought of pertaining to woman and her other significant role in society and life as a whole
Zahra returned back home with her husband. In the course of time, they got a baby child and named her Nada
But the treatment she received at the house of her husband worsened day by day .He used to spend long time away from house. Her health deteriorated and she suffered attacks of depression and convulsion on and off
One day her father came to see her .He felt very disturbed to find his daughter changed a lot . she narrated the plight to him and she was therefore brought to her father's place of residence
Her father went to the hospital to find out Nabil and he was told that Nabil was celebrating his honey moon outdoors. The father was extremely put off by this piece of information, particularly when he learnt that Nabil had got married a second time to the hospital manager's daughter. Then he took his address and went there .When he arrived he knocked the door violently and
Nabil came out very furious . What followed crossed all the fundamental of decency culminating in a very depressive outcome for the former wife who lay desolate and rejected begging for an explanation Her father collected so many people and revealed to them such betrayer and treacherous man who was dead to all senses of pity and loyalty

[خالد العارف]

مساء الخير أخي،

والله لن أجاملك لأنني أعلم أنك لست ممن يحبون المجاملة..
ما تزال في النص بضعة أخطاء..
تحياتي الصادقة أخي

[محمد نعمان الحكيمي]

و أنا تلميذك يا رجل
سأقبل بالأخطاء متى ما تفضلت علي بها يا أستاذنا العارف
و سأقول هنا : أنا أخطأت
و لن ألوم حتى العتمة و الكيبورد
و أرجو ان لا تنسى ، قبل الأخطاء الطباعية و الإملائية إن وجدت ، أن تخبرني عن رأيك
في أسلوب ترجمة هذا النص
و عن الجوانب الإيجابية إن ، فقط ، وجدت و كان هناك ما يستحق
و لا تنس ، أخي ، أن تكتب إلي بالانجليزية كون الموضوع بالانجليزية

Rgds

Hakimi

[نداء غريب صبري]

أسلوب القصة جميل
وتمنيت لو كان النص الأصلي موجودا

شكرا لك أخي

بوركت

[محمد نعمان الحكيمي]

will try to type it and sahre it with you dearest sis

keep well

Thanks

[خالد العارف]

عدت الآن و قد فات وقت تعديل النص لتعديل بعض الأخطاء الطباعية



DREAM AND DEMON

By / Afeef Al-Hazzami. Taiz,Yemen




Translated by/ Mohammad Noaman Al-Hakimi




Zahra was a beautiful and a highbrow lady who had just married to Dr Nabil . She was brought to live with him in the village . Zahra was besides herself with joy. She had just finished her college years , and looked forward to a rewarding career; side by side with her husband who worked for hospital
there . Thus she had envisaged for herself and had actively aspired for all her past life

Nabil began to work in the city after he finished his obligatory service in the village, leaving his wife behind . He was in the habit of returning back to his village at weekends . Once Zahra asked him to rent a house for them both in the city, so that she might have the opportunity to change her place & work in the city ,but Nabil ignored her proposal which made her more insistent on her demand. The fall- out was that Nabil was unable to evade the issue and revealed his mind to her . He told her that he did not approve of the idea of going to work . He would rather prefer that she stays at home as a housewife

Zahra felt as she had missed a heart-beat due to this inglorious decision and felt extremely upset. She felt as her wings were being clipped. This was followed by a poignant argument that heated up little by little & ended with Nabil belittling his wife and Zahra’s crying and walking out of the room . She couldn’t sleep all the night long . She began to think with regret of the past life, she remembered the day of her betrothal to Nabil whom she didn’t know well. She had learnt that he was a doctor, who had just come from abroad where he was studying medicine and that was all she knew . she accepted him with no much consideration , believing that she would never face problem frustrating their domestic life like this one .Memory of ex-another colleague revived in her mind. That young man fell in love with her & did his best to get close to her
However she treated him with discretion as any other colleague in the college irrespective of the fact that she fell that something strong hauling her to his side.
Nabil was prevailed upon to take her to her father's house. She told her father the story .Then her father tried to work on Nabil to be reasonable & human in his judgment , however her husband perished in his stand
After some time Zahra was sent to her husband's house at her fathers's behest . This came to an end to the cherished dream of Zahra and the future she had all along nursed was shuttered into pieces , with it lay dead all what she had thought of pertaining to woman and her other significant role in society and life as a whole
Zahra returned back home with her husband. In the course of time, they got a baby child and named her Nada
But the treatment she received at the house of her husband worsened day by day .He used to spend long time away from house. Her health deteriorated and she suffered attacks of depression and convulsion on and off
One day her father came to see her .He felt very disturbed to find his daughter changed a lot . she narrated the plight to him and she was therefore brought to her father's place of residence
Her father went to the hospital to find out Nabil and he was told that Nabil was celebrating his honey moon outdoors. The father was extremely put off by this piece of information, particularly when he learnt that Nabil had got married a second time to the hospital manager's daughter. Then he took his address and went there .When he arrived he knocked the door violently and
Nabil came out very furious . What followed crossed all the fundamental of decency culminating in a very depressive outcome for the former wife who lay desolate and rejected begging for an explanation Her father collected so many people and revealed to them such betrayer and treacherous man who was dead to all senses of pity and loyalty


Hello,
I really like your reaction concerning the "mistake thing". Most people tend to "justify" their mistakes, sometimes really awkwardly. I personally accept constructive criticism.
Well, I'm writing in English as you have generously suggested.
If one is to get back to the translated version of the text, one would certainly have to acknowledge the fact that it's really difficult to "judge" the quality of the translation in the absence of the origin. I tend to think, however, that the ideas are ok. (A reader versed in two language, here Arabic and English, would always "try" to read the original text, to reconstruct it in a way through the translated one, in which case the latter, the copy that is, becomes the "simulacrum" of the former).

Here are a few points worth discussing:
1- "Zahra felt as she had missed a heart-beat due to this inglorious decision and felt extremely upset." I don't know why it reads to something like "Zahra felt as if..".
2- "Thus she had envisaged for herself and had actively aspired for all her past life": I'm under the impression that this is a sentence fragment, unless you mean it otherwise, of course.
3- "shuttered into pieces": I think it should be "shattered".
4- "all what": I think all is always followed by "that".
5- "Memory of ex-another colleague": This seems to me awkward (if I may); "of another ex-colleague" sounds better, I'd venture.
6- "This came to an end to the cherished dream of Zahra": "put an end to something," I'd suggest. "come to an end" implies that the process itself is over and therefore cannot "come an end to" something.
7- "all what she had thought of pertaining to woman": all that she had thought of as pertaining to," I'd suggest.
8- "she fell that something strong hauling her to his side.": she felt (a typo, doubtless) that something strong was hauling .."

I think a few commas are needed here and there, especially in relation to the relative clauses, where their presence/ absence is crucial. (Defining and non-defining).
To end on a positive note, I'd say that the story has made me feel as if I were among the characters. It really epitomizes the "plight" or the "predicament" of modern Arab women.

Thank you
Best regards,
Khalid EL AREF

[محمد نعمان الحكيمي]

Good job , man
however,you are troubling yourself for nothing man
Actually most of what you have noticed are not errors at all
Maybe you are right in the misspelling of shattered but thIs does not mean that the writer is not acquainted with


(thus came to an end the cherished dream )
the sentence starts with thus
not this
nor put an end which i know it very well man



Anyhow ,

I really appreciate your efforts
and wish you a glorious future

Kindest regards

Hakimi
ever learner

[خالد العارف]

Dome? Seed? I see.
Of course, your English is "perfect ! I shouldn't have been so "critical."
Regards,

[محمد نعمان الحكيمي]

Man , do not lose your temper
we are talking about a tragic topic
and you are busy commenting upon one slight typing mistake
in vain


you can see my signature above which tells Hakimi is ever learner
not perfect
but it seems you boast handling English for the first time

Better get preoccupied with meaningful items

[خالد العارف]

Thank you, anyway.
هناك حكاية جميلة تحضرني الآن. كان المعري متعصّباً للمتنبي إلى درجة أنه كان يدعوه "الشاعر" بينما كان يسمي الشعراء الآخرين بأسمائهم. وحصل أن جرى نقاش حول أشعار المتنبي في حضرة الشريف المرتضى، نقيب الطالبيين، والذي كان يكره أبا الطيب. فأخذ المرتضى ينتقص من شعر المتنبي ويتتبع مكامن عيوبه. فانبرى المعري للدفاع عن شاعره المفضل بطريقة غامضة قائلاً: لو لم يكن للمتنبي من الشعر إلا قوله : لك يا منازل في القلوب منازل، لكفاه فضلاً. فغضب المرتضى غضباً شديداً. ماذا قد يكون فهم المرتضى يا ترى؟ ولماذا استشهد المعري على جودة أشعار المتنبي بهذه القصيدة "العادية"؟
تحياتي


تحياتي

[نداء غريب صبري]

Thank you, anyway.
هناك حكاية جميلة تحضرني الآن. كان المعري متعصّباً للمتنبي إلى درجة أنه كان يدعوه "الشاعر" بينما كان يسمي الشعراء الآخرين بأسمائهم. وحصل أن جرى نقاش حول أشعار المتنبي في حضرة الشريف المرتضى، نقيب الطالبيين، والذي كان يكره أبا الطيب. فأخذ المرتضى ينتقص من شعر المتنبي ويتتبع مكامن عيوبه. فانبرى المعري للدفاع عن شاعره المفضل بطريقة غامضة قائلاً: لو لم يكن للمتنبي من الشعر إلا قوله : لك يا منازل في القلوب منازل، لكفاه فضلاً. فغضب المرتضى غضباً شديداً. ماذا قد يكون فهم المرتضى يا ترى؟ ولماذا استشهد المعري على جودة أشعار المتنبي بهذه القصيدة "العادية"؟
تحياتي
تحياتي

فهم المرتضى حسبما قال لأصحابه أن المعري أراد من القصيدة البيت الذي يقول المتنبي فيه
وإذا أتتك مذمتي من ناقص
فهي الشهادة لي بأني كامل
ولهذا السبب استشهد المعري على جودة أشعار المتنبي بهذه القصيدة العادية
لكني أسأل لماذا يذكر أخي هذه القصة الآن؟

بوركت

[محمد نعمان الحكيمي]

فهم المرتضى حسبما قال لأصحابه أن المعري أراد من القصيدة البيت الذي يقول المتنبي فيه
وإذا أتتك مذمتي من ناقص
فهي الشهادة لي بأني كامل
ولهذا السبب استشهد المعري على جودة أشعار المتنبي بهذه القصيدة العادية
لكني أسأل لماذا يذكر أخي هذه القصة الآن؟

بوركت

لقد ضرب مثلا للعضو الذي لا يقدر ما توليه له الواحة من متاحات الحرية فأساء فهم حرصها على العضو و سماحتها و سعة ودها.كان باستطاعتي من البداية الرد بجملة واحدة تكفي ، ولكن رسالتي تختلف.
وحتى يرتاح قلت له انا تلميذك وها أنا أقول له عساه يرتاح إن إملائي فيها أخطاء سواء بالعربية أو الانجليزية ! وسأظل أتعلم . و أدعوه لمراجعة صحيفة يمن تايمز التي نشرت فيها هذه الترجمة للقصة عام 1996 بعد تخرجي بعامين للتأكد أن الكلمة التي ظهرت خطأ في طباعة أحد متدربي أخيكم الحكيمي غير العارف غير الكامل قد كتبت صحيحة .
و لو كنت عارفا فعلا ياخالد لكان طرحك غير متورم وسطحي ،وان كان لا ضير بالنسبة لي، وكانت لغتك راقية و أناقتك تأبى على الانحطاط .كان يفترض ان تقول لي :هات لي دليلك لو خالفتك في شيء أو: منكم نتعلم ، أو ماشابه ، و كنت سترى كيف أننا سنستفيد ونشرك قراءنا ، لكن لسان حالك يقول :(ياأرض اهتزي ما فوقك إلا العزي)
Mentality goes no where

[محمد نعمان الحكيمي]

للتوضيح :
رده الأول هو رده الأخير..فقط يريد أن يقول (((أنا)))وأنه (العارف)كما كتبها لي موقعا إحدى ردوده بحروف صغيرة لاسمه الأول وكبيرة للعارف ، وأنه كما وصل في نهاية ردوده للقول:إني كامل.
أما أنا فلست (كامل) ولاأمنح شهادة للكمال.فلقد أراد العارف ان يشغلنا عن موضوع القصة والترجمة من نواحيها المتعددة وظل منشغلا بخطأ مطبعي شكرته عليه وآخر يريد أن يصيغه لي كما شاء تعميمه الخاطئ وآخر وقع في فهمه خطأ
و أتحداه فعلاً يثبت عكس ما أقول
ولما دعوته في الاخير ان ينشغل بما له معنى نقدي بناء وموضوعي و غير مضيع للوقت يدل على وعيه في الترجمة وامتلاك ناصية اللغة اذا به يعرض بي في رده العربي بلغة الأسواق بذلك الأسلوب الذي دل عليه.

[خالد العارف]

مساء الخير،
ألقي السلام لعل نقاء سريرتي وصفاء نيتي يغلبان هذا الحقد الأعمى الذي يقطر من مشاركتك هنا. أنا إن خاطبتكَ مباشرة، فذلك راجع لإيماني العميق بالقيم الإنسانية (لا حظ أنك في مشاركتك الأخيرة تتحدث عني بصيغة الغائب، وهو قتل رمزي على مستوى اللغة؛ أحمدُ اللهَ على أنني فقط كائن سيبرنيتيقي ههههههههه). هذا من ناحية الشكل، أما من ناحية الموضوع، فإنني لن أعود إلى الكلام عن "الأخطاء"، فقد عرفت أنني أخطأت إذ أسأت التقدير.
لم تقبل ملاحظاتي، وغضبتَ ففاجأني غضبُك. (seed thing كيف يتحول الرجل مائة وثمانين درجة، قلتُ في نفسي. فانسحبتُ بهدوء. ولكنك اتهمتني أنني أتبجح، ولم أردّ عليك. بل ضربتُ مثلا ظننتُ أنه مفهوماً، لكن سوء النية بيّن لي أشياء عديدة.
سأشرح فهمي للقصة: غضبُ المرتضى يعرفه المرتضى وأصدقاؤه ؛ وهو غضِبَ ليس لأنه لم يقبل أن يحاججه المعري في موضوع أشعار المتنبي، بل لأنه فعل ذلك أمام تلامذته. لقد فكّر المرتضى في الجمهور ولم يفكر أبداً في رأي المعري ولا في حجته. كان عليه أن يغضب كي يبقى مُطابقاً للصورة المثالية التي يراها لنفسه (إنه نخلة باسقة). لم يكن يريد لهويته "الثابتة" "النقية" "الخالصة" أن تهتز..وهذا شيء مفهوم لأن الناس يغيرون صور بروفايلهم ثلاث مرات في اليوم كي يبحثوا عن المطابقة والتطابق.والحال أننا لا نمتلك أية فكرة عن سبب "دفاع" المعري عن المتنبي بتلك الطريقة الملتوية. صوت المعري غائب من ناحية الشرح والتعليل. هذا ما ألمحتُ إليه أيها النبيه. غضب المرتضى لم يكن أبداً موجهاً ضد المتنبي.
أما من جهة أخرى، فإنني لا أسمح لك بتاتاً في إطلاق الكلام على عواهنه والتعريض بشخصي ولا باسمي. اسمي لا شأن لك به البتة.
أستحلفك بالله ما هذه الخزعبلات؟ "وحتى يرتاح قلت له انا تلميذك وها أنا أقول له عساه يرتاح إن إملائي فيها أخطاء سواء بالعربية أو الانجليزية !" هل أنت طبيب نفساني؟ من طلب منك ذلك؟
ثم، ما هذه المساواة بين شخصيتك وبين الواحة؟ هل هو نوع من التضخم؟ من تحسب نفسك؟ ما هذا الفقر الفكري؟ أنت تسمح لنفسك بتغيير الكلمات في مشاركتك..ما هذا؟
بالله عليك، متى كان الحكم على سلامة اللغة يمرّ عبر الجرائد والمجلات؟ لقد أضحكتني. أنت من دون شك تعرف أستاذاَ جامعياً متخصصاً في اللغة والأدب الإنجليزيين..
الإنسان مجلى أفكاره وروحه، فما كان انحطاطاً فهو هو، وما كان نقاءَ فهو هو.. وما كان بينهما، فهو هو..

أحفظ لسانك يا هذا، ورز الكلام..

[خالد العارف]

"وأنه (العارف)كما كتبها لي موقعا إحدى ردوده بحروف صغيرة لاسمه الأول وكبيرة للعارف "
والله أنت تفاجؤني..ما هذا البهتان؟

[محمد نعمان الحكيمي]

ههههههه
مضيعة للوقت ليس أكثر

أما عن البهتان الذي تسأل عنه فهو ردك هنا في الصفحة الأولى أمس 1:21 PM
ركز يا بطل واقرأ سوا و اجمع (دومان) وادري ما تكتب و ما تطرح و ماتدافع عنه وما تريد
و أما عن حكم الصحف بالسلامة اللغوية الذي أضحكك هو أني قصدت أنني أعرف كتابتها و قد كتبتها في 1996صحيحة ..عد للصحيفة و اتأكد من إملائي يا أعرف

و أما عنك:اسأل نفسك اين نقدك البناء من قبل امس و عماذا تبحث
لو كان عندك معرفة أصلاً أقسم انك لن تضيع وقتك في "خزعبلات" كهذه
التي ظهرت فيها منتفخاً متورماً فارغاً صاخباً وأسميت نفسك مريضا نفسيا يتداوى عندي
the nearest hospital can be a good idea, not me
ولو كان عندك معرفة لقلت إنك كنت مهرجاً و مضيعاً للوقت فعلاً


Mentality goes no where
خذ بمعنى السطر الاخير هذا بالانجليزية و لو ان تستعين بمن يترجمه لك ترجمة غير حرفية


هذا يكفي
و اكتب ما شئت فلن أرد عليك وليس لدي وقت أضيعه مع تعليقاتك الفارغة إلا منك

[فاتن دراوشة]

لست على دراية بأصول التّرجمة لكنّ القصّة أعجبتني بما حملته من واقع مؤلم تقع الكثير من الفتيات في شركه في أيّامنا.

بوركت جهودك أخي ويراع كاتبها

[الدكتور أحمد قاسم العريقي]

I read your beautiful text and no matter if there are some mistakes I am your neighbor from Aloarouk taiz and we will be friends in this club